Im proud of you, your traveling and shit

So I went to sleep today at 8am.
and was rudely awoken by my grandma coming in holding the phone out to me, saying
"Some friend is on the phone."

I pry my sleepy eyes open.
oh, alright.

I put the phone to my ear, "hello?"

"Hey baby girl, blablablablablabalbalablabalabala Its your momma."

.....

"Hello?"

"HEY BABY GIRL! ITS YO MAMMA!"

"oh....hi."

So I sit there mildly confused, and my grandma looks at me.
Its okay you can go back to bed its just Angie.
My grandma looks at me a bit confused/worried and exits the room.
I go back to paying attention to the high pitched and horribly redneck voice, going a speed not recorded by man.

Angie: "blablablablablabla I miss you so much baby girl oh my god, oh , hehehehehee I am so excited to hear your voice what you doing baby girl how are you whats up girl how are you did I wake you up baby girl?"

Me: "......what?"

Angie: "Did I wake you up."

Me: "Yes."

Now picture anything I say horribly monotone, since I always close up and get monotone around her.

And this woman, this woman being SO excited!
So ungodly excited for my existence, I could be simply breathing and she is in awe for years to come.

Angie: "So sorry I had to lie to your grandma blablablabla bad me, bla bla hehe I told her blablablabla okay baby girl?"

Me: "Sure."

Angie: "oh god I miss you so much, I love you I love you, your so great, the last time I called you were in boise and I am so proud of you, your traveling and shit."

Me: "yeah....traveling and shit."

Angie: "So when are you going to come to spokane?"

Me: "Not soon."

Angie: " awe blablablablablablabalba."

So the conversation continued with as minimal worded answers from my end as possible.
She covered subjects, I dont think I even cared to know.
She mentioned my real dad and how he misses me bla bla, how she thinks my grandparents are kaniving horible people who should burn at the stake.
She mentioned how shes high on blow. (not really but might as well.)

And how she wants to randomly show up at my door step.

Angie: "and If I just randomly showed up what would you do?"

Me: "uh.....Why the hell wouldyou do that??"

Me in real life: "Id shit bricks. Id kill a baby. Id get a concealed weapons permit.

She laughed HELLA creepy and replied.

"whats your adress baby girl?"

I responded with the wonderful line of.
"I forgot."

She pressed forth in attempt to obtain those numbers that would lead her to her..."baby girl".

Yeah, I was not voting for that.

She asked me what I was thinking , I replied.
"My ear itches, I think I woke up my friend, and my foot is asleep."

Angie: "Awwwwww your so awesome baby girl I love you I love you."

She puts my existence to shame, you have no idea.

So I get off the phone with her, have a 30 minute conversation with my grandma about her.

And learned two new facts about this woman, giving me one more reason to dislike her existence.

1. She breast fed me while on marijuana, cuz she refused to take asprin.

What a vagina.

2. She was assulted by 4 of my grandparents friends who were cops at the time, when she visciously tore appart an appartment complex from the inside out, during a mental breakdown.

lol, psh Id beat her down to.

Well, anyway Im hella awake now.

Guess I'll go join chris brian and katrina in the front room to play brawl and Persona 3