The Worlds End

Alright! I got to see The Worlds End! It totally did not disappoint!
I am stoked~!
Last night I went out with Phil whom I adore, and Ashley and Mitzy who are also great company.
I met up with Cole who got me the ticket and some other friends.

Although after the movie when we were all gathering and Phil left to work and Ashley and Mitzy went home, I was standing there with the rest of my "friends" One of whom I am openly aware dislikes me.

I felt....distant. I realized they were not really my friends. They could not help but bring up convention stuff and I remembered they treat me more like their distant boss that is a total asshole more than one of them as an actual friend.
Especially the one guy who does not like me anymore....he gave me some pretty harsh looks that were just hard to be around.
It really sucks because he is pretty much balls deep in that circle of friends now.
Yet again I have left town and left myself out.
Its uncomfortable being around them especially after I have blatantly let them all down.
I wish there was something I could do to make it better but I know there really is not.

I now sort of realize, its not like I can do Conventions alone, but I would rather do it with friends and I don't feel like a friend.

In this city the only people I truly feel friends with is Robyn whom never has time for me. Chris who is equally as depressed as I so it really does neither of us any good and Tony who I don't really even talk to much anymore, plus he is more interested in talking to my sister anyway.  I guess based off social media you would think I have a lot of friends but....It really just does not feel like it. Thats probably my fault because I don't want to really let anybody in anymore. I am so tired of being either let down or betrayed. As for the conventions.....Its not really...after seeing the success of other conventions and remembering I am a broke ass child with nothing to show for myself and basically no real viable business knowledge. Yeah... there goes my motivation in that as well.... I wanted to be the person to bring a huge convention to SLC, something people could really enjoy and give a shit about... I am generally just pushes aside for anime banzai, buried alive by the pony community and Salt Fest....yeah I don't even want to talk about that abomination.

Yet again I have no idea what to do with my life...just when I thought I had it all figured out.
I have been thinking more and more about getting my coffee shop off the ground...but yet again I don't have any money and I am positive someone will go out and do my idea before I even get the fucking chance.

Whatever. Fuck this city.

There is not much of a reason for me to stay in it for much longer.