5-9-2014 12:42
Today I cried for the first time in months in front of him after receiving the statement for my hospital bill....
I cried because I felt that letting this ulcer get worse felt like a better option than going this far into debt. I know that is a silly way to think but it is honestly how I felt.
I cried and apologized relentlessly to him, for crying, for being out of line for any reason I could think of.
He held me and softly made a request.
"I never want you to say sorry to me again."
If you ever think to say sorry I want you to replace those words with "I love you, can you do that for me? In turn I will do the same for you. Promise me?"
We locked pinkie fingers and swore on it.
I laid on his chest and said "I love you."
When I finally stoped the hysterics he said "Here is what were going to do, I'm going to go outside and smoke a cigarette, you're going to come with me and bring your tea or whatever makes your comfortable and we will go to bed yeah?"
We went outside and sat there together, as the flame of his lighter met with his tobacco tears streamed from my eyes as he said. "I would die for you, you know that? If someone told me I would go through absolute agony but in return you would life a happy life forever, I would accept the pain...When we were driving down here to Utah you said to me that I was going to be stuck with you forever....I'm really happy to be stuck with you. You honestly are amazing. When people see our relationship and like when Emily asked where did you get a cute asian boy who cooks you food and dresses in a suit, honestly I think shes looking at it wrong, she should be asking me where I got someone as incredible as you......."
After another long drag he continued.
"You will probably outlive me."
I chuckled and denied his comment.
"You really will you know I'm pretty sure.....I just want you, in your will, I don't care what else it says at all but I want it to include one thing.
I want us to be burried under the same name, next to each other."
When he said that my heart skipped a beat, and I felt it.
I could not help but begin to sob.
That is such an incredible statement, such a powerful thing to say.
I want that too.
Its something I would always want someone to say to me and there he went and said it.
Its something my parents told me when I was young and it always stuck with me.
That they wanted to be buried next to each other under a great tree.
I have mentally committed myself to this man when I made the decision to leave Utah with him, but its tonight I can say that I without a doubt don't regret it.
