Lush.

Fuck today.
I woke up a little late and remembered I have a job orientation thing to go to at Lush cosmetics today.
I was initially looking forward to going to this but this morning I woke up with a feeling of dread and thought to myself there is no point in me going in today its not like I will get the job.

So I dragged myself out of bed last minute and defeated my depression enough to go to this orientation.
They were hiring 5 people.
7 people showed up.
So I'm like wow my odds of getting THIS job, one that I actually want is actually in reach, and not totally impossible.

...

I spent two hours playing with lotion and doing peer practice and some interviews.
I have absolutely open and undying availability. I would completely dedicate my life to that fucking job. I would be the god of selling those products.

I was one of the 2 they turned away.

Maybe I was too excited.
Maybe I came off as desperate.
Maybe I just flat out do not get along with women, that one I am positive of.
The main manager also had an outgoing personality and she probably just got a shit vibe from me, maybe my depression was showing. I don't fucking know.

But this is the 4th job I have not gotten for whatever god damn reason and its getting worse trying to pick myself up off the fucking floor to go to another goddamn interview.

Is it so much to ask for to want to work at a place I actually want to fucking go to?!

No?
Thats too fucking much?

So I came home and spent the entire day applying to jobs I fucking would rather blow my brains out than work at but I guess something is better than nothing. Although I cant say it will do much for my crippling depression.
God I want to kill myself.

Lucky for me I am too stubborn.

Hopefully I get through this shit storm called life with something to fucking show for myself.

Although probably not.